


Epic Battles by viridian_magpie

by GO_Library_archivist



Category: Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Drabble, Gen, Mild Language
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-08-06
Updated: 2013-08-06
Packaged: 2017-12-22 05:40:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 530
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/909568
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GO_Library_archivist/pseuds/GO_Library_archivist
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <b>[story by viridian magpie]</b>
</p><p>The epic battle of Heaven and Hell is reduced to ... what exactly?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Epic Battles by viridian_magpie

**Author's Note:**

> Note from [Quantum_Witch](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Quantum_Witch/profile): This story was originally archived at [The Good Omens Library](http://fanlore.org/wiki/The_Good_Omens_Library), which I maintained for eight years until I closed it due to lack of funds and decreased usership. To preserve the archive, I began manually importing the GOL's stories to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in July 2013. I e-mailed all authors about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this author, please contact me using the e-mail address on [The Good Omens Library collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/TheGoodOmensLibrary/profile), or through the [GO_Library_archivist](http://archiveofourown.org/users/GO_Library_archivist/profile) account.

[Epic Battles](viewstory.php?sid=194) by [viridian_magpie](viewuser.php?uid=15)

 

 

  
Summary: The epic battle of Heaven and Hell is reduced to ... what exactly?  
Categories: [Drabbles](browse.php?type=categories&catid=2) Characters:  Aziraphale  
Genres:  General  
Warnings:  Language (mild)  
Challenges:  
Series: None  
Chapters:  1 Completed: Yes  
Word count: 454 Read: 114  
Published: 17 Nov 2005 Updated: 17 Nov 2005

Epic Battles by viridian_magpie

 

When Down Below had first put their fiendish and _creative_ (Crowley still couldn't get his mind around _that_ ) plan, Above had reacted quite fast.

Sort of.

By their standards, anyway.

It had only taken them seven and a half discorporations and about three decades to come up with a _cunning_ counter-plan.

From that point onward, the whole thing was just a farce really, albeit a painful one.

"'Roar'," it rang through the forest.

"'Growl,'" came the reply, "really my dear, is that absolutely necessary?"

"'Hiss'. It wasn't my idea."

"Well, it wa-,"

Crowley cleared his throat – as much as he could, seeing as his current body wasn't built for this.

"Um, I mean, … 'bark'?"

The wolf looked a bit unsure, so the lion decided he'd rub it in.

"'Roar'. Wolves don't bark, idiot." He thought so but wasn't sure. In any case, it didn't matter. Aziraphale didn't seem to know either.

The angel ignored it.

"'Growl'. This is still rather silly though, isn't it?"

It was but Crowley sure as He- Heav- Pudding wasn't going to agree with the Enemy.

Or, He- Heav- Cheesecake forbid, tell his superiors that the Epic Battle Between Good And Evil being reduced to see which side could come up with the scariest and most dangerous forms for their field agents was just… plain stupid.

"'Hiss'."

"'Growl'."

Though to be honest – and Crowley never lied to himself – this time the bodies could have been worse. He shuddered when his mind again replayed rather embarrassing episode of Crowley – The Tsetse Fly. Oh yes, certainly he'd been able to infect the angel with the disease. Unfortunately, Aziraphale had come back as a spider and… well, let's just say that Crowley was studiously avoiding webs nowadays. (1)

\---

(1) and excrements – but that was an altogether different story.

\---

The angel could have looked a little less smug while he'd been trying to free himself from the blessed trap.

Bastard.

"'Roar'." That one was heartfelt.

Aziraphale, however, didn't seem fazed. Instead, he blinked and replied: "'Growl'.. What do you think of, ah, _postponing_ the fight and having dinner?"

…

"Pheasant? Yo-"

The wolf coughed.

"Fine. 'Roar'. Pheasant? Your treat." A demon should _always_ try to use an opportunity and exploit others.

"'Growl'. Good idea, my dear. I still owe you one, anyway."

Crowley had forgotten that.

"'Hiss'. Yeah, you do. I'd been wondering when you'd finally remember."

* * *

AN: Please, don't tell me it's unlikely for a wolf and a lion to meet in real life. I know. So did Heaven and Hell. They just didn't care. (Or let's hope they knew).

 

 

  
Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters and settings are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. No money is being made from this work. No copyright infringement is intended.

This story archived at <http://library.good-omens.net/viewstory.php?sid=194>


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